Kenpachi Wants Cookies
by RabidSheep
Summary: Kenpachi and Yachiru switch bodies for a day after an accident in Mayuri's lab. They try to carry on like normal but its not easy when the captian of the 11th is acting like a little girl.


Oh dear look what the demons in my mind have churned out now. This came to me one night and I thought It would make a cute little story. I hope you find it amusing. If you do drop me a review!

-RabiSheep

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Bubblegum giggles and pattering footfalls. A feral grin and hair spiked like a porcupine. They made an odd couple to be certain, this grown man and tender child who run through the Serieti with the smaller one in the lead. In her hands she holds the name less sword safely locked away in its sheath as the man follows her impossible speed through the maze-like structures that take him far from his own squads area. Before he knows it he is lost yet still the pink haired goof giggles and keeps running with him blazing after her.

"~Hehe You cant catch me, Ken-chaaaaan!~" She teases in a tone that speaks of ponies and sparkly stickers and rainbows.

"Gimmie my zanpaktou back, Yachiru." Fatherly voice still patient with her antics where most people would have gone crazy. She leaps onto the roof of a nearby building and he jumps after but in a flash she is gone. Cursing as he plunges into the tiles of the roof he tries to stop his body from destroying the building. He hears her giggling as she takes off the opposite direction.

"That lil brat is gonna be the death of me." He laments and runs after her. The large man picks up speed when she stands in front of a building looking up at the words saying something about science or something like that. He pounces at her but she moves at the last second and he bursts through the wall.

"~I want to play, too! Ken-Chaaaaannnn!~" She leaps onto his chest and sits on him as he lies in a pile of rubble inside the building.

Poor Mayuri. He had been just sitting there minding his own business when that oaf captain Kenpachi and his sidekick Yachiru bursts through the wall and throw his experiments everywhere. Chemicals and powders are thrashed around and lie in bubbling puddles of every color across the room to mix with the rubble of the broken wall. For a moment the scientist just sits there blinking at the sudden intrusion.

"This game is FUUUUUUUNNNN!" Yachiru squees and bounces up and down on Kenpachi's chest.

Above their heads on a now lopsided shelf teeters a blue chemical in a glass vial labeled "Caution: Very dangerous. Do not touch! (That means you Akon)". The vial wobbles on the edge directly above the groaning Kenpachi and laughing Yachiru. Mayuri's lock with it and he pleads it not to fall off, months of dedicated research to make it which he had just finished last night were about to go to waste. It wobbles closer to the edge as if doing a beautiful dance.

"Please...! NO!" He screams but its to late. The vial drops off the shelf and does a slow motion somersault as it tumbles down to where both Kenpachi and Yachiru stopping their noises for a brief second to look up at the falling object. It smashes on the girl's thick skull and splatters them both in the liquid before a giant blue cloud of smoke springs up to swallow them inside it. He stares at the cloud as it slowly fades leaving a very stunned looking couple sitting there.

Kenpachi stares in horror as he looks at...himself. Is he looking in a mirror? No a mirror reflection of himself would not be grinning back at him and giggling like a little girl. Looking down his eyes widen as he finds his body is MUCH smaller then it was a few moments before, matter of fact he looked a lot like....

"Yachiru..." He mutters looking down at his small hands.

Mayuri slams his fists down on the table top.

"CURSES!"

"That elixir you idiots just bathed yourselves in was one of had worked MONTHS on! It's a spirit switching one that changes the spirits into another persons body so before you even ask Yes, Kenpachi you are in Yachiru's body. And NO I have not yet made an antidote for it, yet. I was working on that when you two burst in here."

Kenpachi and Yachiru stare at the man with the painted face, each equally silent for the first time..ever.

Kenpachi in the girl's body grunts a very ungirly grunt and sneers at the scientist.

"Well you had better make one fast because I have to be at that captains meeting tomorrow night."

That commanding tone sounds so strange in that pretty-in-pink voice. Yachiru in the man's body picks her nose, always having wandered what took place inside his nose. Surprisingly no boogers.

"I suggest you leave now as I cannot possibly work with such distractions such as you pestering me here." Mayuri dismisses them with a wave of his hand then turns to stalk into another room. Kenpachi climbs off his former chest and picks up his sword before walking out the hole he had created.

"Yachiru go back to your room and wait for me or that scientist captain to come get you. I have to go do some work."

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Ikkaku and Yumichika cross blades in the training yard, the clang of metal on metal rings loud through the area as the dance a deadly waltz together. Suddenly they both stop and look at the small form of Yachiru that had wandered alone towards them.

"Keep fighting!" She orders them in a tone much like their captain's.

"Uh...okay." Ikkaku stutters and attacks Yumi. The pink haired girl sits in the grass and watches them with interest so strong its strange to see it in the usually silly child.

Else where...

Yachiru in Kenpachi's body skips along, having long forgotten the order to go back to her quarters. She/he giggles.

"Ken-chan's body is fun to play around in! I wonder what I should do first?"

Zaraki says as he skips past many staring shinigami that stand gawking at the giant man.

"Ooohhh I know! I'll pay glasses man a visit!" Kenpachi squeals and bounces towards Aizen's squad's quarters, always fun messing with him.

For Sosuke Aizen it's a typical quite day plotting the demise of the Soul Society and his betrayal of that is soon to come. He kneels at his desk quietly filling out captain's forms and finishing his days paper work when out side he hears a disturbingly familiar laugh and the sound of coming large running.

With out warning a large explosion obliterates the wall to Aizen's right. He remains kneeling there still in shock with his pen half way to the now ash covered paper as the dust begins to settle to reveal a spiked haired man standing there. For a second panic floods through Aizen as he begins to wonder if the other captain had figured out his coming betrayal and had come to finished him. Kenpachi meets Aizens gaze and for a moment the two glare at each other.

"Wow this place is a MESS!" Zaraki walks in and looks around as if he owned the room. "Aint you ever heard of something called a mop, glasses-man?"

Aizen nearly falls over in relief but he keeps his composure, as usual.

"Have you ever heard of using a door, Kenpachi?" He counters as he stands up to dust off his pants.

"What's this do?" Zaraki pokes a crystal sculpture of a crane on a nearby shelf.

"Don't touch that!"

Aizen lunges for it as it calls to the floor, but to late as it shatters into a trillion pieces.

"Oops." Kenpachi does not look one bit sorry as he grins and bounces over to see the paper Aizen had been working on before the explosion.

"Ah I wanna draw, too!" He takes the pin and scribbles some cartoon animals on it all over the carefully filled out script.

"He stop that, Kenpachi!" The glasses wearing man snatches the pin out of the larger, mans hands. Kenpachi sighs and rolls his eyes.

"You never let me have ANY fun! I HATE you!"

"What has gotten into you Captain Zaraki? Are you sic- Hey don't stick you tongue out at me!"

Kenpachi blows a raspberry in Aizen's face, spraying his glasses with drops of spit. Slowly the soon to be traitor takes off his spectacles and wipes them on his robe. Lovely.

Suddenly the taller man's face grows strained, as if in pain and he crosses his knees together in a sort of squirming dance.

"What is it now?" Aizen asks with an exasperated sigh.

"I have to tinkle."

"The squad bathrooms are down that hall. Please feel free to use them."

With that in mind Kenpachi flash-steps out of the ruined room and bursts into the girls bathroom. Many frightened girls scream and run out with looks of priceless terror on their faces as the tall man runs into a stall and closes the door. A few minuets later there is a lady-like flush and Kenpachi steps up to the sinks to wash his hands. Nanao stands at the sink beside him staring with her jaw slack as the captain of the eleventh squad casually washes then dries his hands in the girls bathroom then skips out merrily on his way. As he leaves she looks at her reflection in the mirror.

"Never again will I go drinking with Kyoraku."

On the more peaceful side of the Soul Society Yachiru instructs squad members on their fighting style. After hours of teaching these brats how to hold a sword she gets hungry around the time Kenpachi usually had dinner.

"MMAAAANNN, I'm half-starved. You guys want to go get some food somewhere?" Kenpachi in the girl's body rubs his tiny belly and stretches out his arms.

She and Ikkaku as well as Yumichika settle to go to a noodle place even tho they find it weird to be having such a normal evening with the pink haired girl. As they eat they are stunned to see her putting away bowl after bowl of steaming food at such a pace they had only witness Kenpachi doing. Soon all the patrons in the restaurant begin betting on when she is going to barf from eating so much. Near he fifth bowl she stops then sets down her bowl.

The crowd cheers. Ignoring them she hops off her stool and walks to the mens bathroom as the group of onlookers look on in confusion.

"Should we tell her she is going in the wrong bathroom?" Yumichika whispers to his companion.

"Naw, better for her to learn on her own." Ikkaku says whilst slurping down some noodles.

Inside the bathroom men standing at the urinals hastily pull up their pants as to not 'expose' themselves to the wandering little girl.

"Get out of here! This a BOYS restroom!" One of the men shouts at her. Big mistake.

The spiritual pressure in the room jumps from next to nothing to bone crushing in an instant as slowly the small girl looks up at the man who had shouted at her. He now kneels on the floor while trying to catch his breath.

"You wanna run that by me again, son?" Yachiru growls with a feral grin. The man is clearly afraid, he whimpers and shakes in fear.

"I said 'the bathroom is yours, do what you want to in it, miss'!"

"Good!" Instantly the pressure is let up and the girl walks inside a stall.

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Byakuya Kuchiki attempts to shove the large man off him, but only manages in wrestling him to the ground. He sits on Kenpachi's chest and pins him.

"What has gotten into you, Captain Zaraki?!" He all but yells. "First you try to sit on my shoulder then you offer me a slobbery sucker, now you keep trying to hug me! CUT IT OUT!"

"But you're my frrriiieeennnndddd, Baka-chan!"

"I am not you FRIEND! I am you co-worker and nothing more! I don't even like you that much!"

Byakuya stare in horror as Kenpachi's eyes begin to mist then fill with water. Zaraki sniffs, one, twice, three times with his bottom lip trembling.

"Oh for heaven's sake." The dark haired one rubs his forehead with one hand while sitting on the chest of the whimpering man. That is all it takes for Kenpachi to burst out bawling like a small girl, his large chest is racked with heaving breaths.

He shoves Kuchiki off him then starts to the manor door.

"Kenpachi dont-don't leave like that."

Zaraki stops at the door but doesn't say anything.

"You hate me." He mumbles and hangs his spiked head low.

"I don't hate you."

"Yeah you do."

"I do not hate you, Zaraki Kenpachi."

It is with a furious sadness in his eye that Kenpachi turns to face the shorter man.

"THEN WHY WONT YOU SAY YOU'RE MY FRIEND?!"

"Because I don't know you that, well. Ah see now don't start crying again. You want something to eat or drink?" Byakuya takes the taller man's hand in his own.

Kenpachi sniffs and nods his head.

"What do you want?"

"...a cookie."

"I will get a servant to bring you one."

"And a glass of milk."

"Of course."

"And some ice cream!"

"Don't push it."

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Mayuri turns to the two people sitting on separate tables in his laboratory. One a large man with a cruel face and the other a small girl. In his hand he holds a vial of bubbling acidic blue chemical and he pours into two metal cups and gives one to Kenpachi and another to Yachiru.

"This should put your souls back in your bodies."

Yachiru eyes his/her glass then raises it to the ceiling. "Fire in the hole. I cannot wait to be back in my own skin!" She says then downs her glass in one gulp.

Kenpachi sips his then makes a face at the awful taste but reluctantly downs his as well. Mayuri watches with interest as smoke once more fills the room then settles.

"Well..? How do you feel?"

Kenpachi looks down at his body and grins.

"You fixed me, doc. Well Im gone!" He hops down and Yachiru giggles and jumps on his shoulder, in a flash they are out of the room and racing towards an uncertain future. The scientist watches them go with a sigh then calls in Rin and Akon to clean up the second hole blown in the lab wall.


End file.
